Est. 2024
Where the truth wears a tutu and the facts fandango. We are the Damned unreliable News!
National Headlines
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Boomers Blame Weak Men, Forgetting They’re Them
READ MORE →: Boomers Blame Weak Men, Forgetting They’re ThemAt a Rotary Club meeting, Boomers wagged fingers at younger generations for society’s decline—conveniently forgetting their…
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Breaking: Adulthood Doesn’t Come With Answers
READ MORE →: Breaking: Adulthood Doesn’t Come With AnswersTeenagers thrown into existential tailspin after finding out that adults don’t have shit figured out either.…
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Colorado Funeral Home: Now With 191 “Bonus Guests”
READ MORE →: Colorado Funeral Home: Now With 191 “Bonus Guests”Prosecutors say Jon Hallford ran his mortuary like a buy-one-get-one warehouse, handing out cement bags as…
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Gen X Busted for 90s Columbia House Penny Scam
READ MORE →: Gen X Busted for 90s Columbia House Penny ScamGen X’s greatest heist wasn’t dot-com bubbles or flannel fashion—it was stiffing Columbia House out of…
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Tarot Card Reader Pulls The Scariest Card Imaginable: The “Get A Job” Card
READ MORE →: Tarot Card Reader Pulls The Scariest Card Imaginable: The “Get A Job” CardLocal Witch Burns Sage, Cries Out in Terror As Tarot Deck Demands She Updates Her Résumé
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Doctors Doling Out ‘Brozac’ to Beat the Blues
READ MORE →: Doctors Doling Out ‘Brozac’ to Beat the BluesDoctors are prescribing “Brozac” nationwide, a groundbreaking treatment for male depression that’s literally just beers with…
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Boomer PhD Crashes on Cell B3
READ MORE →: Boomer PhD Crashes on Cell B3Boomer with physics degree from premiere university is unable to create an excel spreadsheet. Dr. Mortimer…
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Séance With Julia Child Reveals How Cooked America’s Youth Is
READ MORE →: Séance With Julia Child Reveals How Cooked America’s Youth IsJulia Child Summoned via séance to explain just how fucking cooked America’s youth is. From beyond…
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Billionaire Larry Fink Lectures Public on “Cutting Back,” Says Private Car Ownership and Real Food Are “Overrated”
READ MORE →: Billionaire Larry Fink Lectures Public on “Cutting Back,” Says Private Car Ownership and Real Food Are “Overrated”Check out the balls on this guy…
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America’s Uncle Creep Weighs In Again
READ MORE →: America’s Uncle Creep Weighs In AgainAlan Dershowitz, better known as “America’s Uncle Creep,” once argued 15 was a “reasonable” age of…
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Big Mac Meltdown: Free Ketchup Topples McDonald’s
READ MORE →: Big Mac Meltdown: Free Ketchup Topples McDonald’sMcDonald’s declared bankruptcy after a Wichita franchise shattered the ketchup paywall, handing out packets like parade…
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Denver-Based Hot Box Airlines Proves Every Flight Can Be a Red Eye
READ MORE →: Denver-Based Hot Box Airlines Proves Every Flight Can Be a Red EyeForget pretzels—Hot Box Airlines offers THC nacho fountains, corn dogs that whisper affirmations, and “aerial budtenders”…