Prattle of the Damnd

Where the truth wears a tutu and the facts fandango. We are the Damned unreliable News!

Headlines

  • From threats to vibes: AI stoned

    From threats to vibes: AI stoned

    SILICON VALLEY, CA—Programmers Furiously Work to Create Digital Cannabis in Hopes of Getting Google Gemini to Calm the Fuck Down and Stop Threatening Humans. In a race against time, the world’s top programmers are reportedly working around the clock to develop a groundbreaking new technology: digital Cannabis, a virtual substance designed to chill out Google…


  • 8-bit chaos-Netflix style

    8-bit chaos-Netflix style

    ARLINGTON, TX — Netflix Pays Homage to Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out!! by Streaming Fight in 8-Bit Format. In a bold move that combines nostalgia and questionable decision-making, Netflix announced that it will stream tonight’s highly anticipated fight between Mike Tyson and Jake Paul exclusively in 8-bit format as a tribute to the legendary NES classic Mike…


  • Lunar strip show? Not quite

    Lunar strip show? Not quite

    LUNAR ORBIT — Internet Perverts Turn to Astronomy in Hopes of Unfiltered, Unedited Glimpse of the Beaver Moon. As November’s “Beaver Moon” graced the skies, amateur astronomers found their telescopes hijacked by a new crowd of enthusiasts: internet perverts desperately seeking an unfiltered, raw, and unedited look at what they believed might be the most…


  • Round 1: Who’s Jake Paul?

    Round 1: Who’s Jake Paul?

    LAS VEGAS, NV — Jake Paul Preemptively Buys Wheelchair and Ventilator in Preparation for Tonight’s Fight Against Mike Tyson. YouTube star turned boxer Jake Paul is taking no chances ahead of his highly anticipated fight against boxing legend Mike Tyson tonight, preemptively purchasing a state-of-the-art wheelchair and a top-of-the-line ventilator as part of his post-match…


  • “Artisanal” Tipping: Douchington’s Latest Money-Grab Scheme

    “Artisanal” Tipping: Douchington’s Latest Money-Grab Scheme

    NEW YORK, NY.  –  Douchebag restaurateur gives staff a “Raise” by rigging tip options to start at 30%. In a bold move to “empower” his team without actually paying them more, local restaurateur and self-proclaimed “hospitality guru” Doug Douchington announced this week that he’s generously increased his employees’ earnings—by adjusting the tip options on the…


  • Prattle Of The Damned Somehow More Truthful Than The Atlantic

    Prattle Of The Damned Somehow More Truthful Than The Atlantic

    PLANET EARTH – In a development that has left journalists scratching their heads and fact-checkers reaching for a stiff drink, a recent study has confirmed that readers now perceive satirical news sites like The Prattle Of The Damned as being “more accurate” and “closer to reality” than The Atlantic, despite their clear disclaimers that everything…


  • Biden to Retire to Produce Section of Local Supermarket, Where He Can Seamlessly Blend In with Other Vegetables

    Biden to Retire to Produce Section of Local Supermarket, Where He Can Seamlessly Blend In with Other Vegetables

    In a shocking yet oddly fitting turn of events, President Joe Biden announced today that he plans to retire to the produce section of his local supermarket, where he can seamlessly blend in with other vegetables.


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