Est. 2024
Where the truth wears a tutu and the facts fandango. We are the Damned unreliable News!
National Headlines
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Dude Discovers After 20 Years: Wife Might Be the Reason Social Calendar is Deader Than Disco
READ MORE →: Dude Discovers After 20 Years: Wife Might Be the Reason Social Calendar is Deader Than DiscoCHICAGO, IL – In a revelation that would make Freud himself raise an eyebrow, Mark “The…
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Woman Farts Silently in Grocery Store Aisle, Sets Women Back Decades
READ MORE →: Woman Farts Silently in Grocery Store Aisle, Sets Women Back DecadesBILOXI, MS – In a devastating blow to the feminist movement, a woman identified only as…
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Rock Band Tool Changes Name After Realizing the Biggest Tool in the Entertainment Industry is Steven Segal
READ MORE →: Rock Band Tool Changes Name After Realizing the Biggest Tool in the Entertainment Industry is Steven Segal1 Los Angeles, CA – In a move that surprised absolutely no one familiar with their…
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From Muscle Car to Monument to Questionable Decisions: Man Honors Heritage by Jacking Up Camaro on Front Lawn
READ MORE →: From Muscle Car to Monument to Questionable Decisions: Man Honors Heritage by Jacking Up Camaro on Front Lawn1 CRAWLEY, WV – In a move that would make even NASCAR drivers cringe, a local…
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Martian Microbes Meet Their Match: Leftist Astronaut With Questionable Bioethics Deems Them “Too Oppressed”
READ MORE →: Martian Microbes Meet Their Match: Leftist Astronaut With Questionable Bioethics Deems Them “Too Oppressed”HOUSTON, TX – In a development that would leave Carl Sagan scratching his head and Neil…
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After 44-Year Study, U.S. Government Confirms Flash Gordon Just Kinda Winged It
READ MORE →: After 44-Year Study, U.S. Government Confirms Flash Gordon Just Kinda Winged ItWASHINGTON D.C. – In a stunning revelation that will shatter childhood dreams faster than Ming the…
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Dads Across America Drown Sorrows in Burnt Burgers After Receiving Yet Another Spatula for Father’s Day
READ MORE →: Dads Across America Drown Sorrows in Burnt Burgers After Receiving Yet Another Spatula for Father’s DaySuburbia, USA – In a display of stoicism so ingrained it borders on clinical depression, fathers…
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Fresh Out of Mom’s Basement, Gen Z Intern Takes Aim at Tenured Colleague with iPhone 14 and Unbridled Dunning-Kruger
READ MORE →: Fresh Out of Mom’s Basement, Gen Z Intern Takes Aim at Tenured Colleague with iPhone 14 and Unbridled Dunning-KrugerSAN FRANCISCO, CA – In a scene straight out of a dystopian coming-of- age novel, a…
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Truck Driver Ray Shares His Omnipotence on Local Talk Radio Show, Despite Being a “Truck Driver”
READ MORE →: Truck Driver Ray Shares His Omnipotence on Local Talk Radio Show, Despite Being a “Truck Driver”Dayton, OH—In a turn of events that has left philosophers, theologians, and your uncle who listens…
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NASCAR Flips the Script: Announces “Right Turn Challenge,” Fans Respond With Burning Tires and Confused Chanting
READ MORE →: NASCAR Flips the Script: Announces “Right Turn Challenge,” Fans Respond With Burning Tires and Confused ChantingDAYTONA BEACH, FL – In a move that has left traditionalists clutching their commemorative beer koozies…
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Woman Makes Groundbreaking Discovery: Parallel Parking Doesn’t Require Human Sacrifice
READ MORE →: Woman Makes Groundbreaking Discovery: Parallel Parking Doesn’t Require Human SacrificeSEATTLE, WA – In a development that could revolutionize the modern world, local woman Brenda Carmichael…
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Six Hours Later, Still No Recipe: Woman Discovers Ingredients List Buried Under Avalanche of Life Stories
READ MORE →: Six Hours Later, Still No Recipe: Woman Discovers Ingredients List Buried Under Avalanche of Life StoriesPORTLAND, OR – In a cautionary tale for the perpetually peckish, Sarah Thompson (32) embarked on…