Est. 2024
Where the truth wears a tutu and the facts fandango. We are the Damned unreliable News!
National Headlines
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Trump Discovers That Minnesota Is Within 2 Months of Enriching Weapons-Grade Uranium—Military Invasion Imminent
READ MORE →: Trump Discovers That Minnesota Is Within 2 Months of Enriching Weapons-Grade Uranium—Military Invasion ImminentTrump declares Minnesota “just 60 days from weapons-grade uranium enrichment,” citing corruption scandals as proof of…
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BREAKING: Final Alpha Male Discovered in Documentary Comment Section
READ MORE →: BREAKING: Final Alpha Male Discovered in Documentary Comment SectionIn a groundbreaking cultural discovery, the last “real alpha male” was reportedly located beneath a 2024…
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Post–Valentine’s Day Dentist Visits Plagued With the Smell of Cock Breath
READ MORE →: Post–Valentine’s Day Dentist Visits Plagued With the Smell of Cock Breath“Nation’s Hygienists Brace for Annual February Surge of Cock Breath”
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Cops Keep the Peace… One Revenue Generating Speeding Ticket at a Time
READ MORE →: Cops Keep the Peace… One Revenue Generating Speeding Ticket at a TimeHeroic officer prevents certain carnage by citing driver going 58 in a 55
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Person With Coexist Sticker on Prius Fails at Coexisting With Normal Humans
READ MORE →: Person With Coexist Sticker on Prius Fails at Coexisting With Normal Humans“Local wacko claims to embrace all humans equally, except the ones who don’t agree with her…
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Cops Gather at Local Coffee Shop to Regale Each Other With Tales of Scoring 4 Touchdowns in a Single High School Football Game
READ MORE →: Cops Gather at Local Coffee Shop to Regale Each Other With Tales of Scoring 4 Touchdowns in a Single High School Football Game“Local Police Department Confirms Entire Force Just Different Versions of Al Bundy”
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Federal Cutbacks Force Cuts in School Lunch Programs. Ozempic to Be Distributed to Fat Kids.
READ MORE →: Federal Cutbacks Force Cuts in School Lunch Programs. Ozempic to Be Distributed to Fat Kids.New USDA food pyramid: bottom layer now entirely needles.
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2nd Grader Expelled Over ‘Un-inclusive’ Turkey
READ MORE →: 2nd Grader Expelled Over ‘Un-inclusive’ TurkeyA California second-grader has been expelled after their innocent hand-turkey drawing reportedly failed to meet “trans-inclusive…
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Courtroom Carnage: Jason Voorhees Slain by Copyright Law
READ MORE →: Courtroom Carnage: Jason Voorhees Slain by Copyright LawJason Voorhees finally meets his match—not a teen with a machete, but a lawyer with a…
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Halloween Proves Once Again That Stupid Costumes Are OK If They’re Also Slutty.
READ MORE →: Halloween Proves Once Again That Stupid Costumes Are OK If They’re Also Slutty.Spirit Halloween Reports Record Sales of Sexy Costumes, Zero Sales of Human Dignity
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Sleep Paralysis Demon Turns Out To Just Be Geddy Lee From Rush
READ MORE →: Sleep Paralysis Demon Turns Out To Just Be Geddy Lee From Rush“Local Man Begs for Actual Demon After Enduring 19-Minute Shitty Bass Solo During Night Terror”
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Seattle Couple Dies in Rural Idaho After Being Unable to Fill Their Own Gas Tank
READ MORE →: Seattle Couple Dies in Rural Idaho After Being Unable to Fill Their Own Gas TankWashington State DOT Warns Residents: “Other States Expect You to Pump Your Own Gas”