Est. 2024
Where the truth wears a tutu and the facts fandango. We are the Damned unreliable News!
Local Headlines
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Asphalt Arena Claims Another Generation
READ MORE →: Asphalt Arena Claims Another GenerationAt dawn, engines growl and optimism files a missing-persons report. Brake lights promise miracles, then ghost…
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Religious Scholars Stunned After Learning Mormon Was Injured in Car Accident While Wearing Magic Underwear
READ MORE →: Religious Scholars Stunned After Learning Mormon Was Injured in Car Accident While Wearing Magic Underwear“Mormon’s Faith in Magic Underwear Shaken After Car Accident Leaves Elastic Spiritually Ineffective”
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Baby on Board… Utah’s Original Virtue Signal
READ MORE →: Baby on Board… Utah’s Original Virtue SignalUtah father declares: quiver full, bank account empty, salvation pending.
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Moving Day: A Masterclass in Freeloading
READ MORE →: Moving Day: A Masterclass in FreeloadingLocal Basement Dweller and Video Game Enthusiast Treats Relatives Like Free Moving Company, Pays in Zero…
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Man Shamed for Refusing to Tip Self-Service Kiosk
READ MORE →: Man Shamed for Refusing to Tip Self-Service KioskMan shamed for not leaving tip after using self-service fast food kiosk. The defiant customer pressed…
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Salt Lake County Outraged Over “St. Louis Virus,” Demands It Go Back to Missouri
READ MORE →: Salt Lake County Outraged Over “St. Louis Virus,” Demands It Go Back to MissouriConspiracy theorists claim the St. Louis Encephalitis Virus is Phase Two of Missouri’s centuries-long plot: first…
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End Times, One Ply Left
READ MORE →: End Times, One Ply LeftPROVO, UT — The Jensen family has officially used the final roll of toilet paper from…
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Broken Machines and Broken Dreams
READ MORE →: Broken Machines and Broken DreamsBattle of the Machines: Maverik’s Nacho Cheese Dispenser vs. McDonald’s Soft Serve – Which Will Let…
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Post Malone’s Utah Show Sparks Sudden Country Music Transformation: “Welcome to the Borg, Y’all”
READ MORE →: Post Malone’s Utah Show Sparks Sudden Country Music Transformation: “Welcome to the Borg, Y’all”In what can only be described as a cosmic joke on the entire music industry, Post…
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Man Achieves Sex Symbol Status After Backing His Truck into Every Parking Stall
READ MORE →: Man Achieves Sex Symbol Status After Backing His Truck into Every Parking StallSmall-town parking lots everywhere are buzzing with an unexpected turn of events. Meet Greg Thompson, 34,…
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Hispanic Family Succeeds in Having 1 Person Living in Their House Per Square Foot
READ MORE →: Hispanic Family Succeeds in Having 1 Person Living in Their House Per Square FootIn a groundbreaking achievement that has baffled urban planners and real estate agents alike, a local…
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Local Boy Burns Down Parents’ Garage After Using Vacuum Cleaner to Siphon Gasoline
READ MORE →: Local Boy Burns Down Parents’ Garage After Using Vacuum Cleaner to Siphon GasolineIn a bold display of both ingenuity and staggering idiocy, local teenager known simply as “Nerdman”…