Est. 2024
Where the truth wears a tutu and the facts fandango. We are the Damned unreliable News!
Top Headlines
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US Government Teases UFO Files. It Turns Out That Your Anal Probing May Not Have Been Your Roommate Tyrone After All
READ MORE →: US Government Teases UFO Files. It Turns Out That Your Anal Probing May Not Have Been Your Roommate Tyrone After AllThe Pentagon finally admits it: those late-night anal probes weren’t your sketchy roommate Tyrone after all. They were aliens. Thousands of men are now texting their ex-roommates awkward apologies.
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Flux Capacitor Now Available on Temu for $9.99 With Free Shipping
READ MORE →: Flux Capacitor Now Available on Temu for $9.99 With Free ShippingTemu is now selling Flux Capacitors for $9.99 with free shipping. Why need 1.21 jiggawatts when a 9V battery will do? Perfect for time travelers on a budget who enjoy mild temporal paradoxes and probable death.
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Climate Conscious Canadians to Offer Carbon Neutral Assisted Suicide Options
READ MORE →: Climate Conscious Canadians to Offer Carbon Neutral Assisted Suicide OptionsClimate-conscious Canadians just launched EcoExit™ — the world’s first carbon-neutral assisted suicide service. Now you can finally die with dignity… and zero carbon footprint. Because nothing says “I care about the planet” like responsibly checking out of it.
Recent News
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Irish Man Found Sober, Local Scholars and Doctors Baffled
READ MORE →: Irish Man Found Sober, Local Scholars and Doctors Baffled
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Dial-Up Modem Tones Have Been Linked to Secret US Government Program, MK Ultra, Phase II
READ MORE →: Dial-Up Modem Tones Have Been Linked to Secret US Government Program, MK Ultra, Phase II
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Desperate, Lonely Morons Now Paying $1.99 a Minute for AI Jesus to Stroke Their Ego and Confirm They’re Going to Heaven
READ MORE →: Desperate, Lonely Morons Now Paying $1.99 a Minute for AI Jesus to Stroke Their Ego and Confirm They’re Going to Heaven
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Monstrous Energy Releases New Flavors Specifically Targeting Its Core Consumer Base
READ MORE →: Monstrous Energy Releases New Flavors Specifically Targeting Its Core Consumer Base
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Congress Demands That Dept of War Immediately Release AI Generated UFO Videos
READ MORE →: Congress Demands That Dept of War Immediately Release AI Generated UFO Videos
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Apple Releases New iMeme Device After Finally Realizing That’s All Their Customer Base Uses Their Devices For Anymore
READ MORE →: Apple Releases New iMeme Device After Finally Realizing That’s All Their Customer Base Uses Their Devices For Anymore
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Valhalla Prepares for an Epic Ass Beating After Chuck Norris Pronounced Dead at 86
READ MORE →: Valhalla Prepares for an Epic Ass Beating After Chuck Norris Pronounced Dead at 86
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Big Pharma Sues… Food Pyramid Now Officially Renamed the Food Rhombus So Drugs Can Be Included as Staples
READ MORE →: Big Pharma Sues… Food Pyramid Now Officially Renamed the Food Rhombus So Drugs Can Be Included as Staples
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Humanity Now Collectively Wishes Y2K Would’ve Destroyed All Computers
READ MORE →: Humanity Now Collectively Wishes Y2K Would’ve Destroyed All Computers