Vacuuming Gasoline Gone Wrong
SPANISH FORK, UT – In a bold display of both ingenuity and staggering idiocy, local teenager known simply as “Nerdman” managed to burn down his parents’ garage yesterday after attempting to siphon gasoline using the family vacuum cleaner. The incident has left neighbors shaking their heads in bemusement and firefighters questioning their career choices.
According to reports, the 18-year-old aspiring pyrotechnic engineer had seen one too many DIY videos on YouTube and decided to put his newfound knowledge to the test. Nerdman’s goal: to transfer gasoline from the family car to an empty canister for his “science project.” What he lacked in common sense, he more than made up for in misplaced confidence.
“I thought it would be quicker and cleaner than using a hose,” explained Nerdman from the safety of his singed front yard. “Plus, I saw a guy do something similar online, and it looked super easy. How was I supposed to know that vacuuming gasoline might be dangerous?”
Local authorities and fire marshals were quick to point out the flaws in Nerdman’s logic. “Using an electric vacuum cleaner to suck up a highly flammable liquid is, quite simply, a recipe for disaster,” stated Fire Chief Dan Roberts. “We’re just grateful he didn’t attempt to use a leaf blower to start a campfire.”
The incident began innocently enough with Nerdman retrieving the household vacuum cleaner, a dusty relic from the 90s, and positioning it next to the car. The vacuum cleaner, which has seen better days but was still holding on to its last shreds of functionality, was tragically unprepared for the task ahead.
“I knew something was wrong when I saw smoke coming from the garage,” said Nerdman’s mother, Linda Nerdman, who was inside enjoying a rare moment of peace before the chaos unfolded. “I ran out to see Nerdman standing there, looking as surprised as I was, and then the whole thing just went up in flames.”
The fire quickly engulfed the garage, consuming not only the vacuum cleaner and the car but also Nerdman’s prized collection of limited-edition Funko Pops. By the time firefighters arrived, the structure was a total loss, and Nerdman’s reputation as the neighborhood’s premier teenage genius was in serious jeopardy.
“It would have worked if it were a wet/dry vac” stated Nerdman, now grounded until further notice and banned from watching YouTube tutorials. “But hey, at least I learned something, right? And now my parents are getting a new garage, so it’s not all bad.”
Nerdman’s father, however, sees things a bit differently. “New garage? Sure. Higher insurance premiums and a kid who can’t be trusted with household appliances? Not so much,” lamented Tom Nerdman. “Next time he gets an idea, I think we’ll just let him play video games instead.”
Meanwhile, the story has quickly become the talk of the town, with local teenagers setting up a mock GoFundMe page titled “Save Nerdman’s Brain Cells,” which, unsurprisingly, has received more donations than anyone expected.
As the Nerdmans begin the arduous process of rebuilding their garage and their trust in their son’s decision-making abilities, Nerdman has been relegated to less combustible hobbies. “I’ve taken up knitting,” he announced proudly. “At least with that, the worst I can do is poke myself with a needle. I think.”
One thing’s for certain: Nerdman’s next science project will be supervised very, very closely.
Vacuuming Gasoline Gone Wrong
