TRENTON, NJ. – In a landmark case that has tech nerds glued to their screens (ironically, with difficulty thanks to the defendants’ invention), the International Criminal Court (ICC) has begun hearings against the inventors of the USB-A socket design. Accused of war crimes against humanity, the unassuming engineers are facing charges related to “The F fumble,” the act of blindly inserting a USB plug in the wrong orientation.
Prosecutors allege that the inventors, identified only as Hubert “Hub” Fumbler and Nigel “Noggin” Not-Looking, deliberately created a design that sows chaos and frustration on a global scale. “This is not a minor inconvenience,” thundered lead prosecutor Ms. Justice Sonia Stern. “This is a calculated attack on our collective sanity! The mental anguish caused by The F fumble is a violation of Article 7 of the Rome Statute!”
The defense, however, maintains the design is innocent. “Look, we just wanted a simple, durable connector,” pleaded Hub Fumbler, his voice barely audible over the cacophony of reporters shouting questions about the lack of a universal “up” side. Nigel Not-Looking, ever the pragmatist, simply shrugged and muttered, “Hey, at least it’s not micro-USB.”
Expert witnesses have been called from all corners of the tech world. Ergonomists testified about the repetitive stress injuries caused by contorting oneself into impossible positions to achieve connection. Software developers recounted tales of lost productivity due to rage-quitting after the tenth consecutive F fumble. And a particularly dramatic historian compared the design to medieval torture devices, claiming it evokes the psychological torment of “Sisyphus eternally plugging in his phone.”
The trial has sparked a global debate. #FumbleFreeFuture is trending on social media, with activists demanding the court force a redesign. Meanwhile, USB-C manufacturers are gleefully watching the drama unfold, handing out free samples and smirking into their self-illuminating cables.
The ICC is expected to deliberate for weeks, if not months. But one thing is certain: the world is watching, eagerly awaiting a verdict that could decide the fate of the humble USB-A socket and, perhaps, restore some semblance of peace to our fumbling fingers. Just remember, folks, if you see someone struggling with a USB plug, offer a helping hand (and maybe a label maker).
USB-A: Inhuman by Design USB-A: Inhuman by Design
