AUSTIN, TX – In a shocking turn of events that has left cowboy hats askew and boots stomping in disbelief, Texans are grappling with the earth-shattering revelation that their beloved state might, just maybe, be… well, Mexico.
“Hold on a gosh darn second,” said Mildred Biggins, a lifelong resident of Lubbock and self-proclaimed “Texan through and through.” “Y’all are telling me all this time we weren’t wranglin’ steers ten miles south of the Mason-Dixon line? This whole time it was the Rio Grande?”
Biggins clutched her pearls, a single rhinestone catching the unforgiving Texas sun. “But… but the breakfast tacos! And the two-step! What about the Alamo? Was that just a particularly spicy fiesta?”
Confusion has gripped the state like a tumbleweed in a dust devil. Texans, known for their unwavering self-assuredness, are now questioning everything they thought they knew.
“I don’t know what to believe anymore,” lamented Hank Johnson, a rodeo champion with a belt buckle larger than his vocabulary. “Is my ten-gallon hat culturally insensitive now? Do I need to switch to mescal from Shiner Bock?”
State officials are scrambling to contain the existential crisis. Governor Abbott has declared a “State of Y’all Done Fucked Up” and is urging all Texans to “hold onto their bootstraps” (a surprisingly difficult feat given the current emotional climate).
Meanwhile, tourism officials are scrambling to rebrand the state. “Come for the wide-open spaces, stay for the world-class mariachi bands!” promises the new slogan. Early reports indicate this may not be the most effective strategy, with many tourists now mistaking Texas for a particularly enthusiastic Disney World pavilion.
One lone voice of reason emerged from the cacophony. “Look,” drawled Miguel Rodriguez, owner of Miguel’s Authentic Tex-Mex (formerly Miguel’s Authentic Mexican), “folks around here been mixing things up for a long time. Now we just got a fancy new name for it. Besides, the brisket’s still good, right?”
As Texans continue to grapple with their newfound identity, one thing remains certain: they’ll find a way to spin this into a reason to be even prouder. Just don’t expect them to pronounce “guacamole” any differently.
Texas Shocking Discovery South of Border Texas Shocking Discovery South of Border
