HOUSTON, TX – A local taco cart slinging barbacoa and carnitas is under FBI investigation after a glowing Yelp review praised their tacos as “the bomb!”
Authorities are scrambling to determine if this is a harmless expression of culinary delight or a coded message for a nefarious plot.
The review, left by a user identified only as “SpicySeñorita420,” raved about the cart’s “killer salsas” and “dynamite carne asada.” However, it was the concluding line, “These tacos are the bomb!” that sent shivers down the spines of federal agents.
“Look, in these times, you can’t take anything for granted,” said Agent Jack McGruff, a seasoned explosives expert sporting a particularly tight suit. “SpicySeñorita420 could be a harmless foodie with a penchant for hyperbole. Or, she could be a sleeper agent for a rogue salsa cartel, using Yelp as a platform to announce their latest weapon of mass deliciousness.”
The taco cart owner, Miguel “Don Miguel” Ramirez, is bewildered by the sudden influx of black SUVs and men in sunglasses. “These are just tacos, amigos,” he pleads, gesturing to his sizzling carne asada with a well-worn spatula. “The only bombs I know are the flavor kind that explode in your mouth.”
Don Miguel’s pleas have fallen on deaf ears. The FBI has cordoned off the area, erected a mobile food safety lab (because, you know, priorities), and is subjecting every taco to a rigorous interrogation – X-ray scans, taste tests by agents with surprisingly discerning palates, and a battery of questions about the structural integrity of the tortillas.
“We’re taking this very seriously,” assures McGruff, adjusting his mirrored sunglasses. “One wrong ingredient, one rogue jalapeño, and this whole city block could be salsa-fied. We can’t afford to take any chances with a taco this good.”
Yelp, meanwhile, is distancing itself from the whole mess. “SpicySeñorita420’s review has been flagged for further investigation,” a spokesperson chirped nervously. “In the future, we encourage users to express their culinary enthusiasm in a more… conventional manner. Perhaps ‘lit’ or ‘fire’ would be more appropriate?”
The investigation is ongoing, with no resolution in sight. Houston residents are left wondering: will they ever enjoy a Don Miguel taco again? And is there really such a thing as a taco that’s too good? Only time, and the tireless efforts of the FBI’s Taco Task Force, will tell.
Taco cart raided after being described as “the bomb” Taco cart raided after being described as “the bomb”
