CLEARWATER, FL – In a heartwarming display of loyalty and resilience, local man Harold “Half-Face” Jenkins continues to staunchly defend the reputation of his beloved Pit Bulls, despite a series of unfortunate incidents that have left him with a drastically altered appearance.
Harold, a 45-year-old self-proclaimed “Pit Bull Ambassador,” recently held a press conference from his hospital bed to share his unshakeable belief that Pit Bulls are, without a doubt, the kindest and most misunderstood breed. The conference was punctuated by frequent adjustments to his bandages and the occasional nervous glance at the growling, muzzled Pit Bull sitting loyally by his side.
“Look, I know what people say about Pit Bulls,” Harold began, his voice slightly muffled by the bandages covering the right side of his face. “But Bruno here is the sweetest dog you’ll ever meet. He wouldn’t hurt a fly—unless, of course, it looks at him funny or tries to take his chew toy, or flies anywhere near him.”
Harold’s passionate defense comes after yet another incident where Bruno, a 75-pound bundle of steroid enhanced, muscular affection, mistook Harold’s cheek for a squeaky toy. “It was just a little misunderstanding,” Harold explained. “He was just trying to give me a kiss, and well, things got a bit out of hand. It happens.”
Despite his mangled visage, Harold insists that his love for Pit Bulls has only grown stronger. “I mean, sure, they’re a bit high-spirited,” he admitted, referring to the breed’s notorious penchant for enthusiasm. “But what’s a little nibble between friends? Plus, it’s not like my face was doing anything important.”
Neighbors, however, are less convinced. “Harold’s a nice guy, but maybe he’s a bit too nice to those dogs,” said Mrs. Gertrude “Gossip” Green, who lives two houses down. “I remember when he lost his ear last Christmas. He said Bruno was just overly excited about the holiday spirit.”
Animal behaviorists have chimed in, suggesting that Harold’s undying loyalty might be masking a deeper psychological need to feel accepted by his pets, regardless of the personal cost. “It’s a classic case of Stockholm syndrome,” said Dr. Ima Pawsyche, a noted expert in canine-human relationships. “Harold believes his devotion will somehow transform these furry maulers into gentle lapdogs.”
Meanwhile, Harold remains unfazed. He’s even started a social media campaign, #FacesForPitBulls, where he encourages other Pit Bull enthusiasts to share their own stories of close encounters and survival. The campaign’s tagline, “Love Hurts, but It’s Worth It,” has garnered a surprisingly robust following.
At the end of the press conference, Harold announced his plans to open a Pit Bull sanctuary, aptly named “Second Chances,” where dogs like Bruno can roam freely and hopefully, in time, nibble on less critical parts of their owners. “We’ll create a paradise where Pit Bulls can be themselves,” Harold declared, his good eye twinkling with optimism. “And where we, their loyal humans, can learn to appreciate their unique way of showing love—even if it occasionally involves reconstructive surgery.”
As Harold’s story spreads, one thing becomes clear: the bond between a man and his Pit Bull is not easily broken, even if his face is. For Harold, love has no boundaries, no matter how many stitches it takes to prove it.
Pit Bull Love: A Face-Eating Proposition Pit Bull Love: A Face-Eating Proposition
