Salt Lake City, UT – In an exclusive exposé that has stunned political analysts and ordinary citizens alike, it has been revealed that Project 2025, the highly anticipated and enigmatic brainchild of former President Donald Trump, is not about infrastructure, economic reform, or even world domination. No, the entire plan is centered on one singular goal: pissing off some guy in Salt Lake City named Bob.
The mysterious Bob, who until now led a peaceful and inconspicuous life in a modest suburban home, is reportedly baffled by his sudden importance on the national stage. “I don’t even know the guy,” said Bob, visibly perplexed. “I mean, all I did was tease him relentlessly on TikTok. Next thing I know, my life’s a living hell.”
Sources close to Trump confirmed that the former president’s obsession with Bob began shortly after reading on particularly disdainful TikTok. “It was like a switch flipped,” said one anonymous source. “He just couldn’t let it go. He would mumble about Bob at Mar-a-Lago, doodling revenge scenarios on napkins.”
Project 2025, previously assumed to be a sweeping vision for America’s future, is in fact a comprehensive, multi-layered campaign designed to inconvenience Bob in increasingly creative and absurd ways. The detailed plan, now public, includes the following tactics:
- Daily Delays: Bob’s morning commute will be disrupted by inexplicably timed roadworks, strategically placed detours, and mysterious traffic lights that stay red for exactly three minutes longer whenever his car approaches.
- Constant Cold Calls: Bob’s phone will ring off the hook with relentless spam calls from fake charities, political surveys, and bizarre offers to sell him alpaca insurance.
- Postal Puzzles: The mailman will deliver Bob’s mail sporadically, ensuring that his bills arrive just late enough to incur late fees, but not so late that he can challenge them.
- Neighborhood Nuisances: A local “Trump Enthusiasts Club” will be established right next to Bob’s house, with daily parades, late-night fireworks, and impromptu rallies.
- Bizarre Bans: Bob will find himself inexplicably banned from random establishments he frequents, including his favorite diner, the local gym, and, most bizarrely, the community library.
- Mystery Stains: Every white shirt Bob owns will somehow end up with an indelible mustard stain, courtesy of strategically placed drones.
Political commentators are flabbergasted by the sheer pettiness and scope of Project 2025. “This is unprecedented,” said Dr. Elaine Wigglesworth, a political science professor. “We’ve seen grudges in politics before, but this level of personal vendetta being codified into a formal strategy is truly extraordinary.”
Meanwhile, Trump’s base is split on the revelation. Some loyalists admire the tenacity and creative thinking behind the plan. “It shows he’s committed,” said one supporter, waving a “Make Bob Miserable Again” sign. Others, however, are concerned about the apparent misuse of resources. “I was hoping Project 2025 would bring back coal jobs or something,” lamented a disillusioned voter.
Bob, for his part, has tried to maintain a sense of humor about the situation. “At first, I thought I was being punked,” he said with a wry smile. “Now, I just hope he doesn’t find out I also think his golf swing is terrible.”
As the nation watches in a mixture of amusement and disbelief, one thing is certain: Project 2025 has set a new standard for political pettiness. And somewhere in Salt Lake City, a bewildered man named Bob continues to bear the brunt of one ex-president’s unrelenting grudge.
One man’s TikTok leads to a presidential vendetta One man’s TikTok leads to a presidential vendetta
