OMAHA, NE — In what experts are calling a “tragically preventable death,” 42-year-old Brian Laskey reportedly perished Tuesday night after waiting three and a half hours for his wife, Danielle, to pick something — anything — to watch on Netflix.
According to medical examiners, the cause of death was “acute boredom compounded by exposure to the same 12 thumbnails scrolled past repeatedly.”
“He made it through Stranger Things, Ozark, and three separate categories of true crime,” said Dr. Lydia Benson, who pronounced him dead at the scene. “Ultimately, his body just gave up after the 14th time she hovered over Emily in Paris without committing.”
Danielle, 39, defended herself, claiming she had narrowed it down to “literally two shows” before Brian collapsed. “I was deciding between a British baking competition and a gritty Icelandic detective drama,” she explained. “But then I remembered someone told me to try that documentary about competitive tree climbing, so I went back.”
Neighbors report hearing “agonized sighs” through the walls around the two-hour mark, followed by a faint plea: “Just… pick… anything.” Witnesses say the scrolling continued even as paramedics wheeled Brian out.
Netflix released a brief statement this morning:
“We are deeply saddened by Mr. Laskey’s passing. To prevent future tragedies, we are introducing a new feature called Play Goddamn Something Already™.”
At press time, Danielle was reportedly “still browsing.”
