WILMINGTON, DE – In a legal maneuver so outlandish it would make even the most flamboyant ambulance chaser blush, Hunter Biden’s defense team has announced their intention to appeal his recent felony conviction. Their argument? A mischievous ghost residing in his infamous “laptop from hell” must have filled out those pesky gun purchase forms.
“Look, anyone who’s seen those blurry Hunter Biden dick pics knows that laptop is haunted,” declared Lionel “The Spinner” Spinner, Mr. Biden’s lead attorney, brandishing a spectral-looking fax machine (because apparently, technology stops at ghosts). “It’s entirely plausible a rogue poltergeist with a penchant for firearms decided to play a little bureaucratic prank.”
Experts are divided on the legitimacy of this defense strategy. “It’s certainly…creative,” chuckled Professor Bartholomew Crackpot, a leading authority in the field of paranormal law. “On the one hand, it’s a bold move that throws the entire justice system into delightful disarray. On the other hand, it’s about as likely as convincing a judge a flock of rogue pigeons ate all the evidence.”
Undeterred by skepticism, Mr. Spinner is doubling down on the ghost narrative. “We have a team of top-notch paranormal investigators combing through the laptop as we speak,” he declared, gesturing dramatically at a man in a stained wifebeater holding a flickering EMF detector. “They’re hot on the trail of this spectral scofflaw. We’ll have Casper confessing to these heinous crimes in no time!”
Hunter Biden only released one statement, saying “My dad has been fighting against so called ‘Ghost Guns’ for years. Today, I finally figured out what he was talking about all along”.
Legal analysts are already predicting a media frenzy if the case goes to trial. “Imagine the courtroom drama!” gushed legal pundit Tiffany Tattle. “Will the ghost take the stand in a ghostly voice? Will they use ectoplasm as evidence? The possibilities are endless, and frankly, terrifying.”
Meanwhile, gun rights advocates are surprisingly supportive of Mr. Biden’s plight. “Look, if a ghost can buy a gun easier than a law-abiding citizen, that’s a clear sign our gun laws are broken!” declared Bubba “Trigger Finger” Johnson, spokesperson for the National Association of Men Who Should Never Be Allowed Near Firearms.
One thing’s for sure: the Hunter Biden ghost gun saga is far from over. Whether it results in a landmark Supreme Court case on spectral gun rights or simply becomes a cautionary tale about the dangers of leaving your laptop open in graveyards, one thing is certain: this case is sure to be a haunting reminder that sometimes, the truth is stranger than fiction, even ghost-written fiction.
Laptop From Hell Lives Up to Name Laptop From Hell Lives Up to Name
