NEW YORK CITY, NY – In a move that sent shockwaves through the hallowed halls of Columbia University, a veteran guidance counselor has been fired after suggesting a radical, and frankly, unsettling career path for students: jobs that actually exist.
The incident unfolded during a routine meeting with a freshman political science major, a young woman brimming with revolutionary zeal and a complete lack of marketable skills. The counselor, Ms. Prudence Piddleswick, a relic from a more practical era, gently suggested exploring subjects like “accounting” or “computer science.”
“It was like I suggested she join the bourgeoisie and start crocheting doilies for the Queen,” Ms. Piddleswick lamented, clutching a well-worn copy of “What Color is Your Parachute?” “She looked at me like I’d sprouted a second head and started ranting about the inevitable worker’s revolution. Apparently, a career in barista-ing is the ultimate form of protest these days.”
The news of Ms. Piddleswick’s “unorthodox” career advice spread like wildfire through the student body. “Jobs? Like, with actual salaries and benefits?” scoffed a student sporting a Che Guevara t-shirt and a nose ring that could double as a curtain tie-back. “That’s so last century, Ms. Piddleswick. We’re all about dismantling the capitalist machine, one overpriced latte at a time.”
University administrators, eager to maintain their reputation as a bastion of intellectual nonconformity, swiftly terminated Ms. Piddleswick’s employment. “We take pride in fostering a diverse range of ideologies here at Columbia,” chirped a spokesperson, their voice dripping with forced enthusiasm. “However, suggesting students pursue careers with a modicum of financial security – that’s just crossing a line.”
Career counselors across the nation are watching the Columbia debacle with bated breath. Some fear it sets a dangerous precedent, where suggesting a career path based on actual demand and earning potential could be grounds for dismissal. Others, however, see a glimmer of hope. Perhaps, they posit, the pendulum of career advice may swing back towards, dare we say it, practicality.
Meanwhile, Ms. Piddleswick is dusting off her resume. Rumors swirl that a local vocational school is looking for a passionate “Job Skills for Revolutionaries” instructor. One thing is certain: Ms. Piddleswick’s career advice, however unorthodox, might just be the reality check some Columbia students desperately need.
“Gainful” Deemed Unrealistic: Counselor Fired “Gainful” Deemed Unrealistic: Counselor Fired
