LOS ANGELES – In a stunning display of millennial entitlement, a group of disgruntled ex-children have filed a class-action lawsuit against the late Whitney Houston, citing emotional distress caused by her hit song, “Greatest Love of All.” The plaintiffs, all born between 1980 and 1995, allege that Houston’s repeated assurances that they were “the future” constituted a lifetime of dashed dreams and participation trophies.
Lead plaintiff, Greg “Participation Trophy” Hernandez, choked back tears during a press conference. “We were promised flying cars, moon bases, and robot butlers by the time we were adults,” Hernandez sniffled. “Instead, we got social media addiction, student loan debt, and the crushing realization that ‘Greatest Generation’ reruns are never going off the air.”
The lawsuit alleges that Houston’s lyrics, particularly the line “Because the greatest love of all is happening to me,” instilled an unrealistic sense of self-importance in a generation raised on juice boxes and “You’re Special” stickers. “We were led to believe we were destined for greatness,” said co-plaintiff Tiffany “Social Outrage” Chen. “Turns out, greatness mostly involves responding to emails and microwaving pre-made meals.”
Houston’s estate has yet to comment on the lawsuit, but legal experts believe the case is a long shot. “Retroactive disappointment isn’t exactly a legal precedent,” one lawyer chuckled. “Besides, can you imagine Whitney having to deal with discovery requests? The woman wore more sequins in a week than most lawyers wear suits in a year.”
Despite the legal hurdles, the plaintiffs remain optimistic. “We just want some closure,” Hernandez stated. “Maybe a public apology from Kevin Costner? A lifetime supply of Fun Dip? We’re open to negotiation.”
The case is sure to reignite the debate about the burden of expectation placed on younger generations. But one thing’s for sure: if Whitney Houston were still alive, she’d probably just belt out another powerhouse ballad about learning to love yourself, even if you’re stuck working at a call center. Just a hunch.
Former Children File Class Action Lawsuit Against Whitney Houston Former Children File Class Action Lawsuit Against Whitney Houston
