PALM BEACH, FL – In a development sending ripples through the world of corporate excess, the executive management team at Bilkington, Fitzhugh, and Vandermeer (BF&V) Industries has reportedly been sighted at the company headquarters five days in a row. This unprecedented display of dedication has left the staff of their usual haunt, the Exclusive Greens Country Club, utterly bewildered.
“It’s like a ghost town out here,” lamented club pro Bartholomew Bixby, adjusting his monogrammed golf visor with a sigh. “Used to be, Mr. Vandermeer and the boys would tee off by sunrise, arguing about stock options over their third Bloody Marys. Now? Nothing but tumbleweeds and the mournful cry of the sandhill crane.”
The BF&V executives, known for their impressive golf handicaps and even more impressive expense accounts, are said to be exhibiting strange behavior. Reports include sightings of them “wearing actual pants” and “engaging in something called ‘meetings.’”
“It’s unnerving, frankly,” confided Brenda, a waitress at the Exclusive Greens who specializes in remembering obscure scotch orders. “Mr. Fitzhugh hasn’t ordered a single round of top-shelf tequila all week. And don’t even get me started on the decline in cigar sales.”
Psychologists speculate that this sudden shift in routine could be a sign of a larger existential crisis among the C-suite elite. “Perhaps they’re finally confronting the hollowness of their yacht-filled lives,” ponders Dr. Frumpington III, a leading expert on corporate ennui. “Or maybe they just lost a particularly high-stakes game of poker and need to recoup their losses.”
Meanwhile, the staff at the Exclusive Greens are left scrambling to adjust to their new reality. Bartenders are experimenting with mocktail recipes, while the caddies have taken up competitive shuffleboard. One enterprising groundskeeper has even started offering “existential dread counseling” sessions under a particularly gnarled oak tree.
Only time will tell if the BF&V executives can maintain this newfound commitment to their actual jobs. But one thing is certain: the world of corporate golf may never be the same.
Execs ditch country club for… work? Execs ditch country club for… work?
