DNC resurrects Kevorkian’s death van.
CHICAGO, IL—In what has been hailed as a bold and innovative move by some and a jaw-dropping oversight by others, the Democratic National Committee (DNC) has unveiled its latest campaign initiative: a mobile abortion clinic designed to bring reproductive healthcare to underserved communities. The only problem? It turns out the clinic is actually just Dr. Jack Kevorkian’s infamous euthanasia van, repurposed for modern political theater.
The van, which was rolled out at the DNC’s annual summer conference to thunderous applause and a few raised eyebrows, was originally marketed as a cutting-edge mobile healthcare unit. Wrapped in bright, progressive slogans like “Healthcare On Wheels” and “Your Body, Your Choice,” the vehicle was touted as a game-changer in the ongoing fight for reproductive rights. However, the celebration was short-lived when eagle-eyed attendees recognized the vehicle’s disturbingly familiar interior.
“At first, I was impressed,” said Karen Wilcox, a delegate from Oregon. “But then I noticed the faint outline of Kevorkian’s old logo still visible under the new paint job. That’s when it hit me: this wasn’t just any van—this was the van.”
For those unfamiliar with the history, Dr. Jack Kevorkian, also known as “Dr. Death,” gained notoriety in the 1990s for his role in assisting terminally ill patients with euthanasia. His beat-up Volkswagen van, which he used as a mobile euthanasia clinic, became a symbol of his controversial crusade and was later auctioned off after his arrest. Apparently, the DNC picked it up for a steal from its previous owner, the infamous ghost hunter Zac Bagans.
“Look, we’re always looking for ways to repurpose existing resources,” said DNC spokesperson Olivia Fairchild when confronted with the revelation. “And let’s be honest, healthcare is expensive, and campaign budgets aren’t exactly limitless. The Kevorkian van was a budget-friendly choice, and with a little TLC and a fresh coat of paint, we figured it could serve a new purpose. Plus, it’s already got that sterile, medical vibe.”
But critics have been quick to point out the potential PR disaster of associating reproductive rights with a vehicle once used for assisted suicides. “I’m all for making healthcare accessible, but maybe we shouldn’t be using a van that literally screams ‘death on wheels,’” said political analyst and part-time mechanic Bob Sanford. “The optics are… well, they’re bad. Real bad.”
Meanwhile, the DNC has tried to spin the situation, suggesting that the van’s “rich history” adds a certain gravitas to the issue of reproductive rights. “Kevorkian was a pioneer in fighting for people’s right to choose—just not in the way we expected,” Fairchild explained, sweating slightly under the glare of the press corps. “We see this as a continuation of that legacy. It’s about autonomy, after all.”
Some party insiders, however, were less optimistic about the van’s debut. “This is what happens when you put interns in charge of logistics,” one anonymous staffer grumbled. “I mean, who thought it was a good idea to buy a second-hand van with that kind of history? What’s next, repurposing the Amityville Horror house as a crisis center?”
Despite the controversy, the DNC is moving forward with the mobile clinic tour, though they have quietly dropped the Kevorkian connection from their marketing materials. “It’s all about the mission, not the method of transport,” said Fairchild, attempting to steer the conversation back to policy. “We’re bringing essential healthcare services to those who need them most. And let’s be clear, the van is fully operational and ready to go—it’s been updated with state-of-the-art equipment and everything. The past is the past.”
In the meantime, the van continues its cross-country journey, bringing both reproductive healthcare and a touch of macabre history to every town it visits. Local residents have reportedly been both intrigued and horrified, with some offering to donate their own vehicles in a desperate bid to get the Kevorkian van off the road.
As for Dr. Kevorkian himself, who passed away in 2011, he was unavailable for comment. But one imagines he’d have a good chuckle at the idea of his infamous van being used to drive yet another wedge into the heart of American politics.
DNC resurrects Kevorkian’s death van.
