By Harlan Q. TinFoil, Extraterrestrial Transparency Correspondent
April 9th, 2026 – Washington, D.C.
WASHINGTON DC—In a rare display of bipartisan urgency, Congress has officially demanded that the Department of War (formerly known as Defense) immediately declassify and release 46 previously secret UFO videos — which multiple sources now confirm were entirely generated by artificial intelligence.
“Yes, we want full transparency,” said Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-GA) during an impassioned floor speech. “The American people deserve to know what these AI-generated crafts look like when they’re doing those impossible right-angle turns at 17,000 mph. This is about truth!”
Ranking Democrat Rep. Adam Schiff added, “After years of stonewalling, it’s time the Pentagon comes clean about these sophisticated deepfake videos of glowing orbs and tic-tac shaped objects. Our constituents have a right to be properly gaslit with high-quality renders.”
According to leaked production notes, the 46 videos were created between 2018 and 2025 using a combination of Midjourney, Runway ML, and a custom “Government Grade Bullshit” model trained on every sci-fi movie ever made. The most popular clip — nicknamed “Tic-Tac 2: Electric Boogaloo” — features a perfectly rendered metallic object that defies physics while conveniently never showing any actual aliens or readable markings.
Pentagon spokespeople initially resisted the demand, arguing that releasing the AI-generated footage could “compromise national security and our carefully crafted narrative of plausible deniability.” However, after intense pressure from both sides of the aisle, they agreed to hand over the raw files — along with the prompt history that includes gems like:
- “photorealistic UFO doing impossible maneuvers over Navy destroyer, cinematic lighting, highly detailed, no visible strings”
- “glowing orb silently hovering over cornfield, Midwest nighttime, make it look kinda real but not too real”
- “add lens flare for authenticity”
One anonymous congressional aide admitted off-record: “We all knew they were fake. We just wanted better resolution and maybe some 4K slow-motion so we can keep this grift going for another decade.”
The public release is scheduled for next week, complete with dramatic music, official-looking classification stamps, and a disclaimer that reads “For entertainment purposes only. Please continue to pay your taxes.”
Conspiracy theorists are already celebrating, declaring this the biggest breakthrough since the last time the government promised transparency. Meanwhile, actual pilots who reported the sightings are quietly deleting their GoFundMe pages.
In a related development, OpenAI has announced a new enterprise tier called “Pentagon Mode” — specially tuned to generate UFO footage that looks just believable enough to spark hearings but never quite enough to cause actual panic.
Stay tuned, America. The truth is out there… and it was rendered at 60 frames per second.
