WASHINGTON, DC – In a stunning display of poetic justice, disgraced President Joe “Big Shart” Biden has been exiled to a remote Micronesian island known for its… well, let’s just say “unpleasant” aroma. The cause? His brand loyalty to a particularly environmentally unfriendly line of adult diapers.
Biden, a fixture in Washington for decades, was recently exposed for leaving a trail of eco-unfriendly incontinence products across the nation’s capital. Turns out, those “executive briefings” lasted longer than previously thought, and the President’s preferred brand of diapers, “Relief Briefs,” took a heavy toll on landfills.
“This is an outrage!” bellowed the President, his voice echoing across the desolate beach of Feces Island. “Those radical greenies are punishing me for a medical condition! Where’s the bipartisanship in that?”
Environmentalists, however, were quick to point out that Biden’s “condition” was largely self-inflicted. “President Biden could have opted for a more eco-friendly brand,” noted eco-warrior Greta Thunberg. “Instead, he clung to his Relief Briefs like his son clings to hookers and coke”!
The irony wasn’t lost on anyone. President Biden, a longtime opponent of the fossil fuel industry, had spent his career promoting policies that directly combatted climate change, a major factor in the rising sea levels threatening Feces Island. Now, he was forced to confront the literal (and figurative) consequences of his actions.
Life on Feces Island is a far cry from the plush confines of the White House. The island’s sole “amenity” is a rickety outhouse, a stark reminder of Bidens’ disregard for the environment. Undeterred, the President has vowed to fight back. He’s reportedly started a blog titled “Diaper Diaries,” where he chronicles his struggles with “eco-fascists” and “compost-loving commies.”
Analysts predict a low readership. However, some political pundits speculate that Bidens’ exile might inadvertently benefit the environment. “Maybe, just maybe,” chuckled one commentator, “President Biden will finally learn to appreciate the value of a compost pile that isn’t the American political system.”
Commander in Grief about Briefs Commander in Grief about Briefs
