MEDELLÍN, COLOMBIA – ComicCon Colombia transformed into a real-life narco nightmare yesterday after a swarm of cartoonishly mustachioed Pablo Escobars unleashed a sugary reign of terror – with cocaine-laced churros. Multiple attendees are in critical condition, and the entire city is questioning its love affair with deep-fried dough.
“It all happened so fast,” stammered cosplayer Isabella Rodriguez, her Pikachu onesie dusted with a suspicious white powder. “One minute I’m posing for a selfie with a life-size Goku, the next I’m surrounded by Escobars hawking churros that smelled suspiciously like… well, like what you’d imagine Pablo Escobar’s kitchen smelled like.”
The churros, later confirmed to be liberally laced with enough cocaine to fuel a Tony Montana bender, sent the convention floor into a frenzy. Attendees, fueled by a potent mix of sugary delight and illicit stimulants, turned on each other with the ferocity of hangry toddlers.
“Iron Man vs. Captain America? Cute,” scoffed a weary security guard, dodging a Wolverine cosplayer wielding a suspiciously sharpened spork. “This was full-on churro-matic carnage. People were using lightsabers to cut lines, stormtroopers were using their helmets for… questionable purposes, and the Hulk costume contest got a whole lot more literal.”
Local hospitals are reportedly overflowing with attendees suffering from churro-induced hyperactivity, minor nosebleeds, and a collective existential crisis over their life choices. Several Escobars remain at large, though their motives are as unclear as their artistic choices in facial hair.
“One kept yelling something about ‘diversifying his product line,’” said a bewildered police officer, clutching a half-eaten churro for evidence (and possibly personal consumption, based on his dilated pupils). “Look, all I know is next year’s ComicCon is gonna need a way stricter cosplay policy. And maybe a mandatory drug screening booth.”
The future of ComicCon Colombia hangs in the balance. Organizers are scrambling to implement a total churro ban and a mandatory “No Narcotics in Nerd Culture” seminar for all attendees. But one thing is certain: the sugary specter of the “Cocaine Churro Incident” will forever haunt the halls of the convention center, a cautionary tale for anyone tempted to mix geek culture with the dangerous world of Colombian narcotics.
ComicCon Colombia Erupts in Churro-Fueled Chaos ComicCon Colombia Erupts in Churro-Fueled Chaos
