politics
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Chinese President Xi Encourages US to Finish Border Wall, Saying They Haven’t Had Mexicans Crossing Their Wall in Over 2,000 Years
BEIJING, CHINA – In a surprising show of international support, Chinese President Xi Jinping held a press conference…
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Biden’s International Naming Game: When World Leaders Become Spin the Globe Targets
1 Washington D.C. – In a stunning display of global diplomacy, President Joe Biden has elevated international relations…
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World Leaders Asked to Keep It Down After 8 PM Eastern Time as to Not Catch Biden Off Guard During Sleepy Time
WASHINGTON, D.C. – In an unprecedented move reflecting both respect for international diplomacy and the timeless courtesy of…
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Selective Service Shuffle: Gender Bends Won’t Save You From Uncle Sam (This Time)
KNOXVILLE, TN, – Remember the good ol’ days when claiming moral objections or a sudden love for interpretive dance…
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Gavin Newsom Forced to Attend Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University After Completely Screwing California’s Economy
Sacramento, CA – In a move as shocking as it is long overdue, California Governor Gavin Newsom has…
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Trump to Pay Hush Money to Biden After Fucking Him in Tonight’s Debate
1 ALANTA, GA – In an unprecedented turn of events that has left political analysts and satirists alike…
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College Tuition Rates Mysteriously Soar Alongside Guaranteed Loan Programs: Coincidence? Absolutely.
WASHINGTON D.C. – In a stunning display of economic synchronicity, college tuition rates have skyrocketed just as the…
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Founding Father’s Forbidden Fruit: Ben Franklin Revealed to be 92% Venereal Disease, Historians Shocked.
Philadelphia, PA – In a groundbreaking discovery that sheds new light on the “founding fluids” of our nation,…
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Janet Yellen’s Advice to Affording Groceries: “Just Be Worth 20 Million Dollars Like Me, I’ve Barely Noticed the Spike in Grocery Prices”
WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a stunning display of financial acumen and impeccable timing, Treasury Secretary Janet Yellen has unveiled her…
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US Government Agrees to Plea Deal Freeing Julian Assange in Order to Gain Better Access to Assassinating Him
2 Saipan, Northern Mariana Islands (POTD) – In a move that would make Machiavelli himself raise an eyebrow,…
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World on Edge as Putin and Kim Jong-un Meet to Compare Missile Sizes
1 PYONGYANG, NORTH KOREA – In a move that has international diplomats reaching for their Xanax prescriptions, Russian…