politics
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Snowflakes Go Literal for $150K
Brooklyn, NY – Americans Can Now Cryo-Freeze Themselves to Skip Trump’s Next Term. In a move straight out…
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Headline: Election Day 2024: America Holds Its Breath, and Its Sense of Humor
UNITED STATES OF AMERICA – As the sun rises on Election Day 2024, America stretches, yawns, and braces…
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Biden to Retire to Produce Section of Local Supermarket, Where He Can Seamlessly Blend In with Other Vegetables
In a shocking yet oddly fitting turn of events, President Joe Biden announced today that he plans to…
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Laziest Man in the Office Can’t Wait to Celebrate Labor Day by Doing the Same Thing He Always Does, Nothing
LAFAYETTE, LA – In a groundbreaking display of human inefficiency, local office drone, Kevin “The Couch Potato” McAllister,…
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Mobile Abortion Clinic Showcased at DNC Is Actually Just Jack Kevorkian’s Van
In what has been hailed as a bold and innovative move by some and a jaw-dropping oversight by…
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Iranians Consider Taking a Break from Camel Fucking to Invade Israel
In a shocking yet somehow predictable turn of events, Iranians are considering pausing their national pastime of camel…
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Las Vegas Now Accepting Bets on What War We’re Heading Into: Civil War 2, Revolutionary War 2, or World War 3
LAS VEGAS, NV — In an unprecedented move that has stunned both the gambling and political worlds, the…
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Janet Yellen Allegedly Surfing CreditKarma.com In Search of Someone to Give the USA a Debt Consolidation Loan for $35 Trillion
WASHINGTON D.C. — In a shocking twist to the ongoing fiscal crisis, sources close to the Department of…
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Jerome Powell May Actually Be Rip Van Winkle. Fed Chair Asleep As Economy Crumbles.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a startling turn of events, Federal Reserve Chairman Jerome Powell may have just woken…
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To Counter RNC’s Promotion by Hulk Hogan, DNC Promises to Exhibit President Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho
CHICAGO, IL – In an unprecedented move to outshine their Republican counterparts, the Democratic National Committee (DNC) has…
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Biden Sets Nuclear Launch Code to 1234, and Still Forgets It.
WASHINGTON D.C. – In a move that surprised literally no one, President Biden, a man who once struggled…
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Project 2025 Details Revealed: It Turns Out That Trumps Plans Revolve Entirely Around Pissing Off Some Guy in Salt Lake City Named Bob
Salt Lake City, UT – In an exclusive exposé that has stunned political analysts and ordinary citizens alike,…