national
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Janet Yellen’s Advice to Affording Groceries: “Just Be Worth 20 Million Dollars Like Me, I’ve Barely Noticed the Spike in Grocery Prices”
WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a stunning display of financial acumen and impeccable timing, Treasury Secretary Janet Yellen has unveiled her…
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Local Sales Manager Astounds Team by Motivating Without Clichéd Sports Analogies
ATLANTA, GA – In a development defying all odds, a regional sales manager has reportedly led his team…
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Humanity 2.0 Debuts: Turns Out Asshole-ism is the Dominant Gene, Scientists Shocked (But Not That Shocked)
San Francisco, CA – In a development that would surprise literally no one who’s ever scrolled through a…
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Therapist Fired After Committing Cardinal Sin: Actually Curing Patient
TRENTON, NJ – In a development that has sent shockwaves through the psychiatry community, a local therapist, Mildred…
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Cheeto Shortage Leaves Snackers Cheezless: #BringBackTheCheetle Gains Steam
1 Milwaukee, WI – A sense of despair hung heavy in the air at a Milwaukee gas station…
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Entire Population Of California Determined To Be On The Spectrum.
Sacramento, CA – In a groundbreaking discovery that explains a whole lot about kombucha popularity and freeway rage,…
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Elementary School Bake Sale Takes Unexpected Turn as “Chill” Brownies Become Surprise Hit
OAK CREEK, CO – In a story that will forever redefine the concept of “accidental excellence,” a routine…
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Home Depot Declared National Monument to Toxic Masculinity, Millennials Urged to Wear Hazmat Suits
Atlanta, GA – In a groundbreaking discovery that validates the fears of the entire millennial generation, a recent…
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Gen Z Shocked by Discovery of Ancient Artifact: The Telephone
1 SILICON VALLEY, CA – In a development that sent shockwaves through the tech sector yesterday, a Gen…
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Man Finds God, Loses Him Again After Baptismal Font Fiasco
Little Rock, AR – In a heartwarming story that took a sharp turn towards the sacrilegious, local insurance…
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Former Children File Class Action Lawsuit Against Whitney Houston After Discovering They Were In Fact, NOT The Future
LOS ANGELES – In a stunning display of millennial entitlement, a group of disgruntled ex-children have filed a…
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Hackers Cripple Siri After Stating “The Bitch Wouldn’t Give Me A Straight Answer”
1 Cupertino, CA – In a move as shocking as it is relatable, a notorious hacker group known…