national
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Elementary School Bake Sale Takes Unexpected Turn as “Chill” Brownies Become Surprise Hit
OAK CREEK, CO – In a story that will forever redefine the concept of “accidental excellence,” a routine…
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Home Depot Declared National Monument to Toxic Masculinity, Millennials Urged to Wear Hazmat Suits
Atlanta, GA – In a groundbreaking discovery that validates the fears of the entire millennial generation, a recent…
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Gen Z Shocked by Discovery of Ancient Artifact: The Telephone
1 SILICON VALLEY, CA – In a development that sent shockwaves through the tech sector yesterday, a Gen…
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Man Finds God, Loses Him Again After Baptismal Font Fiasco
Little Rock, AR – In a heartwarming story that took a sharp turn towards the sacrilegious, local insurance…
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Former Children File Class Action Lawsuit Against Whitney Houston After Discovering They Were In Fact, NOT The Future
LOS ANGELES – In a stunning display of millennial entitlement, a group of disgruntled ex-children have filed a…
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Hackers Cripple Siri After Stating “The Bitch Wouldn’t Give Me A Straight Answer”
1 Cupertino, CA – In a move as shocking as it is relatable, a notorious hacker group known…
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Dude Discovers After 20 Years: Wife Might Be the Reason Social Calendar is Deader Than Disco
CHICAGO, IL – In a revelation that would make Freud himself raise an eyebrow, Mark “The Machine” Jankowski…
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With Social Security Program Going Broke, Government Looks For New Ponzi Schemes To Force Americans To Participate In
Washington D.C. – With Social Security teetering on the edge of insolvency, the ever-resourceful U.S. government has unveiled…
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Woman Farts Silently in Grocery Store Aisle, Sets Women Back Decades
BILOXI, MS – In a devastating blow to the feminist movement, a woman identified only as Brenda quietly…
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Rock Band Tool Changes Name After Realizing the Biggest Tool in the Entertainment Industry is Steven Segal
1 Los Angeles, CA – In a move that surprised absolutely no one familiar with their cryptic lyrics…
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From Muscle Car to Monument to Questionable Decisions: Man Honors Heritage by Jacking Up Camaro on Front Lawn
1 CRAWLEY, WV – In a move that would make even NASCAR drivers cringe, a local man has…
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Martian Microbes Meet Their Match: Leftist Astronaut With Questionable Bioethics Deems Them “Too Oppressed”
HOUSTON, TX – In a development that would leave Carl Sagan scratching his head and Neil deGrasse Tyson…