national
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NIH Finally Determines Source Of Covid-19: Turns Out It Was Just Whoopi Goldberg’s Undies All Along
NEW YORK, N.Y. – In a shocking turn of events, the National Institutes of Health (NIH) announced today…
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Leftists Gather at Pretentious Social Event, Discuss Evils of Money While Sipping $12 Fair-Trade Kombucha
BERKELEY, CA – In a scene dripping with irony thicker than artisanal avocado toast, a gaggle of self-described…
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POTD Exclusive! NBC Tearfully Confirms Beloved Sitcom Alien ALF, Was Actually Just a Guy in a Furry Suit
NEW YORK, NY – In a move that will leave a generation of latchkey children questioning their entire…
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Guidance Counselor Fired After Suggesting “Unrealistic” Career Path: Gainful Employment
NEW YORK CITY, NY – In a move that sent shockwaves through the hallowed halls of Columbia University,…
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Suicide Pact Fizzles After Teens Confuse Russian Roulette with Spin The Bottle.
Cleveland, OH – In a development that will make teenagers everywhere reconsider their internet research skills, a local…
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Gavin Newsom Forced to Attend Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University After Completely Screwing California’s Economy
Sacramento, CA – In a move as shocking as it is long overdue, California Governor Gavin Newsom has…
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Harold “Rock Solid” Johnson Passes Away: World Remembers Unwavering Commitment to Lies
MURFREESBORO, TN – The quiet town of Murfreesboro is mourning the loss of Harold “Rock Solid” Johnson, a…
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San Fran Crowns “Cardboard King” in Upcycled (and Slightly Soggy) Ceremony
San Francisco, CA – In a development that surprised literally no one who’s ever navigated Market Street at…
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“Hold On, You Mean We Can’t All Retire on Beanie Babies and Classic Rock CDs?” – Bewildered Boomers Discover the Harsh Reality of Their Empty Nests (and Even Emptier Bank Accounts)
NAPLES, FL – In a development as shocking as the cancellation of “Full House” reruns, a generation of…
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Trump to Pay Hush Money to Biden After Fucking Him in Tonight’s Debate
1 ALANTA, GA – In an unprecedented turn of events that has left political analysts and satirists alike…
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College Tuition Rates Mysteriously Soar Alongside Guaranteed Loan Programs: Coincidence? Absolutely.
WASHINGTON D.C. – In a stunning display of economic synchronicity, college tuition rates have skyrocketed just as the…
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Founding Father’s Forbidden Fruit: Ben Franklin Revealed to be 92% Venereal Disease, Historians Shocked.
Philadelphia, PA – In a groundbreaking discovery that sheds new light on the “founding fluids” of our nation,…