national
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Selective Service Shuffle: Gender Bends Won’t Save You From Uncle Sam (This Time)
KNOXVILLE, TN, – Remember the good ol’ days when claiming moral objections or a sudden love for interpretive dance…
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Director Defies All Rules And Casts A Straight, White, Male For His Next Commercial
MADISON, WI. In a move that has sent shockwaves through the notoriously diverse landscape of yogurt commercials, maverick…
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Yeehaw! Jesus Really Dug Those Shrapnel Showers, Says Man Now Sporting Gummy Smile!
RUM CREEK, WV – Holy Shrapnel, Man Loses Chompers, Ray LaRue (42) of Rum Creek, West Virginia, lost…
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With More States Legalizing Marijuana, Build a Bear Stores Being Converted to Build a Bong Stores in Malls Nationwide
ST. LOUIS, MO – Brace yourselves, parents! As marijuana legalization sweeps across the nation, the beloved Build-A-Bear Workshop…
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Americans Gather To Once Again Celebrate Kicking England’s Ass.
Washington D.C. – In a move that would leave even the Founding Fathers scratching their powdered wigs, Congress…
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Wabasha Man Loses Arm in Catfish Cage Match, Claims Rare Appearance from “Catfish Hunter” Responsible
Wabasha, MN – Local man, Cletus O’Sullivan, is nursing a decidedly one-sided battle wound after a catfish noodling…
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NIH Finally Determines Source Of Covid-19: Turns Out It Was Just Whoopi Goldberg’s Undies All Along
NEW YORK, N.Y. – In a shocking turn of events, the National Institutes of Health (NIH) announced today…
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Leftists Gather at Pretentious Social Event, Discuss Evils of Money While Sipping $12 Fair-Trade Kombucha
BERKELEY, CA – In a scene dripping with irony thicker than artisanal avocado toast, a gaggle of self-described…
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POTD Exclusive! NBC Tearfully Confirms Beloved Sitcom Alien ALF, Was Actually Just a Guy in a Furry Suit
NEW YORK, NY – In a move that will leave a generation of latchkey children questioning their entire…
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Guidance Counselor Fired After Suggesting “Unrealistic” Career Path: Gainful Employment
NEW YORK CITY, NY – In a move that sent shockwaves through the hallowed halls of Columbia University,…
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Suicide Pact Fizzles After Teens Confuse Russian Roulette with Spin The Bottle.
Cleveland, OH – In a development that will make teenagers everywhere reconsider their internet research skills, a local…
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Gavin Newsom Forced to Attend Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University After Completely Screwing California’s Economy
Sacramento, CA – In a move as shocking as it is long overdue, California Governor Gavin Newsom has…