national
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Chinese President Xi Encourages US to Finish Border Wall, Saying They Haven’t Had Mexicans Crossing Their Wall in Over 2,000 Years
BEIJING, CHINA – In a surprising show of international support, Chinese President Xi Jinping held a press conference…
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Domestic Dispute Takes Dark Turn as Woman Withholds Sandwich, Accidentally Summons Hitler’s Spirit
CONCORD, NC – In a bizarre incident that has authorities baffled, a seemingly routine domestic spat escalated into…
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Subaru Grants Special Exemption Allowing Woman to Buy One of Their Cars Despite Not Being a Lesbian
MONTPELIER, VERMONT – In a groundbreaking move, Subaru of America announced today it has granted a special exemption…
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Cap’N Crunch Claims Another Victim: Boy Needs Surgery After Breakfast Turned Brawl
SEDONA, AZ – Ahoy, mateys! Prepare to batten down the hatches of your digestive systems, because Cap’N Crunch…
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Attorneys To Charge Inventors of USB-A Socket Design With Crimes Against Humanity
TRENTON, NJ. – In a landmark case that has tech nerds glued to their screens (ironically, with difficulty…
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Dial-Up Dread: Online “Experts” Suffer Catastrophic IQ Drop After Brief Internet Hiatus
Silicon Valley, CA – In a development that would send shivers down the spine of any self-respecting keyboard…
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Selective Service Shuffle: Gender Bends Won’t Save You From Uncle Sam (This Time)
KNOXVILLE, TN, – Remember the good ol’ days when claiming moral objections or a sudden love for interpretive dance…
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Director Defies All Rules And Casts A Straight, White, Male For His Next Commercial
MADISON, WI. In a move that has sent shockwaves through the notoriously diverse landscape of yogurt commercials, maverick…
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Yeehaw! Jesus Really Dug Those Shrapnel Showers, Says Man Now Sporting Gummy Smile!
RUM CREEK, WV – Holy Shrapnel, Man Loses Chompers, Ray LaRue (42) of Rum Creek, West Virginia, lost…
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With More States Legalizing Marijuana, Build a Bear Stores Being Converted to Build a Bong Stores in Malls Nationwide
ST. LOUIS, MO – Brace yourselves, parents! As marijuana legalization sweeps across the nation, the beloved Build-A-Bear Workshop…
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Americans Gather To Once Again Celebrate Kicking England’s Ass.
Washington D.C. – In a move that would leave even the Founding Fathers scratching their powdered wigs, Congress…
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Wabasha Man Loses Arm in Catfish Cage Match, Claims Rare Appearance from “Catfish Hunter” Responsible
Wabasha, MN – Local man, Cletus O’Sullivan, is nursing a decidedly one-sided battle wound after a catfish noodling…