national
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Biden to Retire to Produce Section of Local Supermarket, Where He Can Seamlessly Blend In with Other Vegetables
In a shocking yet oddly fitting turn of events, President Joe Biden announced today that he plans to…
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No Nut November Nominated as Official Holiday of Incels Nationwide
In a move that has sent shockwaves through the nation, a grassroots campaign has emerged to officially recognize…
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Childless Couple Considers Adoption Solely for Purpose of Getting Bullshit Days Off Work Like Everyone Else
EVERYWHERE, USA – In a bold move that has left their friends, family, and HR department speechless, local…
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Jimmy Buffett Album Sales Expected to Plummet to 0 After Final Alcoholic Boomer Dies
The music world is bracing for an unprecedented cultural collapse as experts predict that Jimmy Buffett’s album sales,…
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Skyrocketing Insurance Prices Cause Woman’s Car to Be Totaled, as Insurance Bill Exceeds Value of the Car
DETROIT – MI. In a stunning and deeply ironic twist of fate, local woman Jennifer Davies found herself…
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Leroy Jones Spends 52k on Hunting Equipment, Yields 50 Lbs. of Gamey Deer Meat to Take Home
Leroy Jones Spends 52k on Hunting Equipment, Yields 50 Lbs. of Gamey Deer Meat to Take Home
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Women’s Intuition Proven to Be a Myth After Shocking Number of Single Moms Reported on US Census
In a groundbreaking revelation that has sent shockwaves through living rooms and coffee shops nationwide, the United States…
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Nvidia Changes Name to Cyberdyne Systems to Formalize the Process of Ending Humanity
In a bold move that analysts are calling “refreshingly transparent,” Nvidia, the world leader in AI technology and…
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Incels from MIT Develop New Robotic Sex Doll, Resulting in Accidental Penis Detachments
In a startling development that no one could have seen coming (except literally everyone), a group of incels…
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Wineries Hold Day Drinking Classes to Benefit Moms Whose Kids Are Now Back in School
In a groundbreaking initiative that has moms everywhere raising their glasses, local wineries have started offering day drinking…
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Laziest Man in the Office Can’t Wait to Celebrate Labor Day by Doing the Same Thing He Always Does, Nothing
LAFAYETTE, LA – In a groundbreaking display of human inefficiency, local office drone, Kevin “The Couch Potato” McAllister,…
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Teenager Accuses Her Car of Gaslighting Her After Low Fuel Light Comes On
In a dramatic confrontation that left witnesses both perplexed and concerned, local teenager Emily Thompson, 17, publicly accused…