national
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Nerd Learns the Hard Way: Button Mushrooms Don’t Actually Unlock the Multiverse
SCRANTON, PA – In a humiliating turn of events for the local science club president, Harold Fitzwilliam, 15,…
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Houston Taco Cart on Edge After Yelp Review Raises Explosive Concerns
HOUSTON, TX – A local taco cart slinging barbacoa and carnitas is under FBI investigation after a glowing…
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Wyoming High School Graduate Devastated After Discovering Laying Pipe Isn’t What His Buddies Made It Out To Be.
CHEYENNE, WY – In a tragic display of shattered dreams and misplaced bravado, local high school graduate Rusty…
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Boomer Devastated to Learn That He Can No Longer Lean on Work He Did for the Company Back in 1994
SAN FRANCISCO, CA – In a shocking turn of events, 58-year-old marketing manager, Roger Thompson, was left emotionally…
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Man Shocked to Find That He’s No More Special Than Anyone Else: Reports Indicate Decades-Long Delusion
SAN DIEGO, CA – In a stunning turn of events, local man Harold Fitzwilliam (42) expressed profound shock…
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Pentagon Unveils Redneck Force: Because Freedom Ain’t Free, But It Should Come With a Yeehaw
WASHINGTON D.C. – In a move that surprised literally no one, the Pentagon yesterday announced the formation of…
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OnlyFans Stars Breathe Sigh of Relief: “Single Mom Backup Plan Still Intact”
LOS ANGELES, CA – In a move that surprised absolutely no one familiar with the human condition, OnlyFans…
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Aliens Stop Probing Americans After Coming to Conclusion Our Asses Are Too Fat
1 WASHINGTON D.C. – In a stunning turn of events, a leaked intergalactic memo reveals extraterrestrial researchers have…
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Ticketmaster Holds Focus Group to Gauge Public’s Breathtaking Stupidity
LOS ANGELES, CA – In a move that could only be described as “audacious” or perhaps “a test…
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Local Woman Achieves Comedy Nirvana: Somehow Makes Audience Laugh Without Mentioning Her Vagina
LOS ANGELES, CA – In a development that has left scientists baffled and male comedians clutching their metaphorical…
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Teenager Makes Shocking Discovery: Turns Out That Salvation Army Finds Don’t Actually Grant Wishes
BOISE, ID – In a development that should surprise exactly no one who has ever stepped foot inside…
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Bogeyman Relocates from Under Bed After Finding Adult Magazines
DENVER, CO – In a shocking turn of events, the local Bogeyman, who has resided under 13-year-old Timmy…