national
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Participation Trophy Blues: America’s Young Men Discover Consequences
WASHINGTON D.C. – In a development that would leave Founding Father eyebrow’s permanently furrowed, America’s fresh crop of…
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Woman Makes Groundbreaking Discovery: Parallel Parking Doesn’t Require Human Sacrifice
SEATTLE, WA – In a development that could revolutionize the modern world, local woman Brenda Carmichael (32) has…
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Six Hours Later, Still No Recipe: Woman Discovers Ingredients List Buried Under Avalanche of Life Stories
PORTLAND, OR – In a cautionary tale for the perpetually peckish, Sarah Thompson (32) embarked on a seemingly…
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Institutions of Higher Learning Shockingly Prioritize, You Guessed It, Learning
CAMBRIDGE, MA – In a move so radical it’s practically Marxist (but without the free lattes), several prominent…
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Laptop From Hell Lives Up to Name: Hunter Biden’s Defense Blames Ghost for Felony Gun Charges
WILMINGTON, DE – In a legal maneuver so outlandish it would make even the most flamboyant ambulance chaser…
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Doctors Blow the Whistle: Most Carpal Tunnel Not From Typing, But Rather From Raucous Masturbation.
DES MOINS, IA – In a revelation that’s sure to leave many red-faced (and possibly hand-numbed), a team…
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Financial Guru Shocks World With Revolutionary New Concept: Don’t Buy Shit You Can’t Afford
LOS ANGELES, CA – In a groundbreaking move that has sent shockwaves through the get-rich-quick self-help industry, financial…
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MILF Dream Turns Moldy: Man Shocked to Discover Experienced Lady Friend, Actually Ages
DENVER, CO – In a cautionary tale for the internet-addled masses, local man Brad Chadlington (32) is grappling…
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Shocking Discovery: Government Spends Millions to Confirm What Everyone Knew – Summer is a Balls-Roasting Bonanza
MIAMI, FL – In a scientific triumph that would make Captain Obvious himself do a spit-take, a multi-million…
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Silicon Valley in Shambles as Woman Chooses Meaningful Work Over Exploiting Thirst Traps
SAN FRANCISCO, CA – In a development sending shockwaves through the tech brosphere, a prominent OnlyFans model has…
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Swipe Left for Solvency: Man Makes Rookie Dating Mistake, Accidentally Orders Appetizer, Now Financially Responsible for Woman’s Entire Life
SEATTLE, WA – In a cautionary tale for the romantically naive, a local man is experiencing the harsh…
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World Reeling After Woman’s Panties Bunch Up During Black Friday Melee: “This is Unprecedented,” Says Underwear Industry
BENTONVILLE, AR – In a shocking turn of events that has left the scientific community baffled, a woman…