national
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Fed Chair Yellen to Nation: Relax About the Debt, Folks, It’s Nowhere Near “Gajillion” Yet
1 WASHINGTON D.C. – In a move that sent markets into a frenzy of nervous laughter, Federal Reserve…
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After 44-Year Study, U.S. Government Confirms Flash Gordon Just Kinda Winged It
WASHINGTON D.C. – In a stunning revelation that will shatter childhood dreams faster than Ming the Merciless’ disintegration…
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Dads Across America Drown Sorrows in Burnt Burgers After Receiving Yet Another Spatula for Father’s Day
Suburbia, USA – In a display of stoicism so ingrained it borders on clinical depression, fathers across the…
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Fresh Out of Mom’s Basement, Gen Z Intern Takes Aim at Tenured Colleague with iPhone 14 and Unbridled Dunning-Kruger
SAN FRANCISCO, CA – In a scene straight out of a dystopian coming-of- age novel, a wide-eyed Gen…
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Truck Driver Ray Shares His Omnipotence on Local Talk Radio Show, Despite Being a “Truck Driver”
Dayton, OH—In a turn of events that has left philosophers, theologians, and your uncle who listens to AM…
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NASCAR Flips the Script: Announces “Right Turn Challenge,” Fans Respond With Burning Tires and Confused Chanting
DAYTONA BEACH, FL – In a move that has left traditionalists clutching their commemorative beer koozies in disbelief,…
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Participation Trophy Blues: America’s Young Men Discover Consequences
WASHINGTON D.C. – In a development that would leave Founding Father eyebrow’s permanently furrowed, America’s fresh crop of…
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Woman Makes Groundbreaking Discovery: Parallel Parking Doesn’t Require Human Sacrifice
SEATTLE, WA – In a development that could revolutionize the modern world, local woman Brenda Carmichael (32) has…
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Six Hours Later, Still No Recipe: Woman Discovers Ingredients List Buried Under Avalanche of Life Stories
PORTLAND, OR – In a cautionary tale for the perpetually peckish, Sarah Thompson (32) embarked on a seemingly…
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Institutions of Higher Learning Shockingly Prioritize, You Guessed It, Learning
CAMBRIDGE, MA – In a move so radical it’s practically Marxist (but without the free lattes), several prominent…
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Laptop From Hell Lives Up to Name: Hunter Biden’s Defense Blames Ghost for Felony Gun Charges
WILMINGTON, DE – In a legal maneuver so outlandish it would make even the most flamboyant ambulance chaser…
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Doctors Blow the Whistle: Most Carpal Tunnel Not From Typing, But Rather From Raucous Masturbation.
DES MOINS, IA – In a revelation that’s sure to leave many red-faced (and possibly hand-numbed), a team…