national
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Dude Discovers After 20 Years: Wife Might Be the Reason Social Calendar is Deader Than Disco
CHICAGO, IL – In a revelation that would make Freud himself raise an eyebrow, Mark “The Machine” Jankowski…
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With Social Security Program Going Broke, Government Looks For New Ponzi Schemes To Force Americans To Participate In
Washington D.C. – With Social Security teetering on the edge of insolvency, the ever-resourceful U.S. government has unveiled…
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Woman Farts Silently in Grocery Store Aisle, Sets Women Back Decades
BILOXI, MS – In a devastating blow to the feminist movement, a woman identified only as Brenda quietly…
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Rock Band Tool Changes Name After Realizing the Biggest Tool in the Entertainment Industry is Steven Segal
1 Los Angeles, CA – In a move that surprised absolutely no one familiar with their cryptic lyrics…
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From Muscle Car to Monument to Questionable Decisions: Man Honors Heritage by Jacking Up Camaro on Front Lawn
1 CRAWLEY, WV – In a move that would make even NASCAR drivers cringe, a local man has…
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Martian Microbes Meet Their Match: Leftist Astronaut With Questionable Bioethics Deems Them “Too Oppressed”
HOUSTON, TX – In a development that would leave Carl Sagan scratching his head and Neil deGrasse Tyson…
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Fed Chair Yellen to Nation: Relax About the Debt, Folks, It’s Nowhere Near “Gajillion” Yet
1 WASHINGTON D.C. – In a move that sent markets into a frenzy of nervous laughter, Federal Reserve…
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After 44-Year Study, U.S. Government Confirms Flash Gordon Just Kinda Winged It
WASHINGTON D.C. – In a stunning revelation that will shatter childhood dreams faster than Ming the Merciless’ disintegration…
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Dads Across America Drown Sorrows in Burnt Burgers After Receiving Yet Another Spatula for Father’s Day
Suburbia, USA – In a display of stoicism so ingrained it borders on clinical depression, fathers across the…
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Fresh Out of Mom’s Basement, Gen Z Intern Takes Aim at Tenured Colleague with iPhone 14 and Unbridled Dunning-Kruger
SAN FRANCISCO, CA – In a scene straight out of a dystopian coming-of- age novel, a wide-eyed Gen…
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Truck Driver Ray Shares His Omnipotence on Local Talk Radio Show, Despite Being a “Truck Driver”
Dayton, OH—In a turn of events that has left philosophers, theologians, and your uncle who listens to AM…
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NASCAR Flips the Script: Announces “Right Turn Challenge,” Fans Respond With Burning Tires and Confused Chanting
DAYTONA BEACH, FL – In a move that has left traditionalists clutching their commemorative beer koozies in disbelief,…