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From threats to vibes: AI stoned
SILICON VALLEY, CA—Programmers Furiously Work to Create Digital Cannabis in Hopes of Getting Google Gemini to Calm the…
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Snowflakes Go Literal for $150K
Brooklyn, NY – Americans Can Now Cryo-Freeze Themselves to Skip Trump’s Next Term. In a move straight out…
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8-bit chaos-Netflix style
ARLINGTON, TX — Netflix Pays Homage to Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out!! by Streaming Fight in 8-Bit Format. In a…
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Lunar strip show? Not quite
LUNAR ORBIT — Internet Perverts Turn to Astronomy in Hopes of Unfiltered, Unedited Glimpse of the Beaver Moon.…
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Round 1: Who’s Jake Paul?
LAS VEGAS, NV — Jake Paul Preemptively Buys Wheelchair and Ventilator in Preparation for Tonight’s Fight Against Mike…
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Broken Machines and Broken Dreams
Battle of the Machines: Maverik’s Nacho Cheese Dispenser vs. McDonald’s Soft Serve – Which Will Let You Down…
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Goldberg’s Working-Class Complex
STUDIO 23 – NEW YORK CITY – In what experts are calling the latest twist in the View…
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The Beyoncé of beverages lands
Brooklyn, NY – Hipster Bartender Invents Gayest Drink Ever: The Pumpkin Spice Martini. In a groundbreaking move that…
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Thomas Edison’s Midnight Legacy
MENLO PARK, NJ – Asshole Thomas Edison blamed for fucking up human sleep patterns since 1879. In a…
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Moochers Force Handyman’s Great Escape
TOLEDO OH. & URUGUAY – Handyman changes identity, starts new life in foreign country to avoid moochers. After…
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Manhattan Project: More Than Just a Hipster Hangout
NEW YORK – NY. Gen Z shocked to learn Manhattan Project wasn’t a pretentious coffee shop in SoHo.…
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Childless Couple Considers Adoption Solely for Purpose of Getting Bullshit Days Off Work Like Everyone Else
EVERYWHERE, USA – In a bold move that has left their friends, family, and HR department speechless, local…