CHEYENNE, WY – In a tragic display of shattered dreams and misplaced bravado, local high school graduate Rusty Trombone III has reportedly entered a state of deep emotional turmoil after his first week on the job at Big Wyoming Oil. Apparently, the “laying pipe” Rusty’s buddies bragged about in gym class involved local rodeo queen Candy Sue McMoo, and not the arduous manual labor that he has been assigned.
“Man, this ain’t what Coach told us about,” whimpered Rusty, wiping a bead of sweat (and possibly a tear) from his brow. “He said it would be the best years of my life, and, like, what it’s like to become a man. This is just a bunch of dirt, sweat, and these weird yellow safety vests that make me look like a deranged banana.”
Rusty’s disillusionment began on his first day when, instead of being introduced to local sweethearts, he was handed a shovel and a stern lecture on the dangers of trench foot and overhead cranes. Days spent battling the elements and his own rapidly diminishing enthusiasm were a far cry from the high school fantasy of conquering the risks of venereal diseases and developing unwavering swagger.
“I thought there’d be more, you know, pipe-laying,” confided Rusty to his equally bewildered buddy, Skeeter Jenkins. “Like, the kind that involves ladies, and, uh, maybe some celebratory fist bumps with my friends”.
Skeeter, a seasoned veteran of three whole weeks on the job, simply chuckled and offered Rusty some Copenhagen, “Welcome to the real world, bud,” he said with a sigh. “Turns out most things in life involve a lot more dirt and a lot less high fives.”
Rusty’s plight has sparked a minor social media debate in Cheyenne, with #LayingPipeTheReality trending alongside calls for a more realistic portrayal of blue-collar jobs in high school curriculums. However, experts warn that any such changes might lead to a decline in high school enrollment and a subsequent oil worker shortage.
In the meantime, Rusty is said to be contemplating a career change, possibly something that involves less manual labor and more celebratory high fives. Perhaps a political position?
