SAN DIEGO, CA – In a stunning turn of events, local man Harold Fitzwilliam (42) expressed profound shock and disappointment upon discovering he is, in fact, not the protagonist of a grand, cosmic narrative. Sources close to Fitzwilliam report a decades-long delusion that he was destined for greatness, a belief fueled entirely by self-importance and a complete lack of self-awareness.
“This is outrageous!” exclaimed Fitzwilliam, brandishing a participation trophy from his third-grade soccer league. “Where’s the epic soundtrack? Where’s the wise mentor who imparts hidden knowledge? All I get are bills and a persistent ringing in my ears.”
Friends and family, long accustomed to Fitzwilliam’s self-aggrandizing pronouncements, expressed a sense of weary amusement. “Harold always believed he was one step away from discovering his hidden superpower,” said his wife, Mildred. “He once spent a week convinced he could levitate after reading a particularly flowery fortune cookie.”
Experts believe Fitzwilliam’s case is far from unique. “The delusion of exceptionalism is a surprisingly common affliction,” explained Dr. Beatrice Selfworth, a leading psychiatrist specializing in inflated egos. “We often see it manifest in people who haven’t achieved much but believe they deserve a parade in their honor.”
Dr. Selfworth recommends a healthy dose of reality for treatment, suggesting Fitzwilliam take up a new hobby or volunteer in his community. “Perhaps facing his own mediocrity head-on will be the wake-up call he needs,” she concluded.
Fitzwilliam, however, remains unconvinced. “There has to be more to this,” he insisted, adjusting his fedora and gazing dramatically at the sky. “Maybe tomorrow’s the day I discover I’m an alien prince.”
At press time, Fitzwilliam was seen arguing with a parking meter attendant, convinced the malfunctioning machine was a test of his true potential.
Man Shocked to Find That He’s No More Special Than Anyone Else, Man Shocked to Find That He’s No More Special Than Anyone Else
