Provo, UT— In the hallowed halls of Brigham Young University, a new trend is taking root among the devout. It’s called “soaking,” and it’s the latest loophole to satisfy both divine requirements and earthly desires. For those in the LDS Church striving for purity, soaking has become the “godsend” they never knew they needed—literally.
“It’s like, the best of both worlds,” says Chad, a sophomore majoring in Religious Studies. “I mean, you’re technically not breaking any rules. We’re just… resting.”
His girlfriend, Jessica, nods solemnly. “The Bible doesn’t say anything about soaking. So, like, we’re just being creative with our chastity. God appreciates ingenuity, right?”
This newfound practice, where couples, erm, “insert” but don’t “thrust,” has sparked an entire underground culture at BYU. It’s even given rise to what some are calling “soaking parties,” where a trusted friend, dubbed “the jumper,” bounces on the bed to create movement without the participants actually doing anything themselves.
“It’s kind of like when you hold the elevator door for someone and count it as a good deed,” explains Elder Jenkins, an unofficial “soaking” expert. “You’re doing something… by doing nothing. God’s all about intent, and our intent is to stay pure.”
When asked how this aligns with LDS teachings, Bishop Clark merely sighed. “Well, it’s not explicitly in the Doctrine and Covenants, so who am I to say? But I will say this: If you have to bring a third person into the room just to avoid sinning, you might want to reconsider your definition of righteousness.”
Despite the eyebrow-raising nature of this practice, BYU students remain unperturbed. “As long as we’re not sinning, who cares?” says Jessica with a shrug. “We’re just soaking in the blessings.”
Heavenly Loopholes: How to Please God by Doing Nothing Heavenly Loopholes: How to Please God by Doing Nothing
