LAS VEGAS, NV — In an unprecedented move that has stunned both the gambling and political worlds, the glittering casinos of Las Vegas have unveiled a new betting line that’s sure to cause a ruckus: wagering on which major conflict the United States will plunge into next. Yes, you read that correctly—now you can place your bets on whether we’re headed for Civil War 2, Revolutionary War 2, or the grand spectacle of World War 3.
The announcement, made with all the pomp and circumstance of a heavyweight boxing match, featured a dazzling display of pyrotechnics, a chorus line of sequined showgirls, and a cardboard cutout of Uncle Sam shedding a single tear.
“We wanted to capture the true spirit of American democracy,” said Frank “Lucky” Luciano, spokesperson for the United Bookies of America. “What’s more democratic than letting the people decide the fate of the nation with their wallets?”
Civil War 2: The Sequel Nobody Asked For
Currently, the odds-on favorite is Civil War 2, a sequel that’s shaping up to be even more divisive than the original. With an odds ratio of 3:1, pundits are citing a laundry list of potential flashpoints, from political gridlock to social media feuds.
“Frankly, we’re all just waiting to see which tweet is going to be the match that lights the powder keg,” said Nancy Newton, a history professor turned odds-maker. “We will find out by November after the ballots are in.”
Revolutionary War 2: Rebooting the Franchise
Trailing slightly behind is Revolutionary War 2, with odds of 5:1. This dark horse contender promises to pit the citizens of the United States against England. “It’s the ultimate underdog story,” Luciano explained. “Who doesn’t love a good rebellion, especially with all the cool new tech? Imagine the Founding Fathers with drones and TikTok.”
With the U.K. police commissioner recently threatening to extradite and jail US citizens, RW2 is quickly gaining on CW2.
World War 3: Global Edition
For those who prefer their chaos on an international scale, World War 3 is the third option, coming in at 10:1 odds. “Sure, it’s a long shot,” admitted Luciano, “but with the way global tensions are brewing, it’s the perfect option for those who like to think big. It’s the summer blockbuster of wars, with a cast of billions and special effects that will blow your mind—literally.”
Analysts are quick to point out the diverse array of potential opponents, from old favorites like Russia and China to surprise entries like “Country Formerly Known as Facebookistan.”
Betting Fever
Vegas tourists have been flocking to the new betting lines, eager to put their money where their doomsday predictions are. “This is better than betting on the Super Bowl,” said Jim Reynolds, a visitor from Topeka, Kansas. “I mean, sure, my life savings are riding on Civil War 2, but if it happens, I’ll be able to afford my own bunker. It’s a win-win!”
Critics, of course, have been quick to decry the new betting lines as “irresponsible” and “tasteless.” But as Luciano shrugged, “This is Vegas, baby. We bet on anything and everything. Why not the fate of the world?”
As the nation teeters on the brink, only one thing is certain: in the city of sin, there’s always a chance to hit the jackpot—even if it’s at the end of the world. So, place your bets, folks. May the odds be ever in your favor.
Gambling on Doomsday Dividends Gambling on Doomsday Dividends
