BEIJING, CHINA – In a surprising show of international support, Chinese President Xi Jinping held a press conference today to urge the United States to complete construction of its border wall with Mexico.
“Look, we understand walls,” Xi said, gesturing towards the iconic Great Wall of China that snaked across the horizon behind him. “They’ve been pretty effective for us for, oh, let’s say, the last two millennia or so. We haven’t had a single sombrero-wearing taco enthusiast breach our defenses in all that time.”
Xi went on to offer a series of thinly veiled criticisms of the American wall-building efforts. “A little more height wouldn’t hurt,” he chuckled, “and maybe some strategically placed water hazards? You know, just in case those pesky Mexicans have kayaks.”
President Xi’s comments come amidst heightened tensions between the US and China, particularly regarding trade negotiations. Analysts believe his unsolicited advice on border security could be a calculated move to poke fun at the ongoing political turmoil in the US.
However, some American officials have taken Xi’s words to heart. “Hey,” said a sheepish Senator Miller, “maybe the Chinese are onto something here. A good moat could really deter those sneaky guacamole smugglers.”
Meanwhile, Mexican President López Obrador responded with a dismissive shrug. “Look, if they want to waste their money building a glorified jungle gym, that’s their business. We’ll just keep sending our best people the good old-fashioned way: through Harvard Law School.”
At press time, former President Trump was reportedly tweeting furiously, demanding to know why China’s wall kept out Mexicans but not American jobs.
Chinese President Xi Encourages US to Finish Border Wall Chinese President Xi Encourages US to Finish Border Wall Meanwhile, Mexican President López Obrador responded with a dismissive shrug. “Look, if they want to waste their money building a glorified jungle gym, that’s their business. We’ll just keep sending our best people the good old-fashioned way: through Harvard Law School.”
