SEDONA, AZ – Ahoy, mateys! Prepare to batten down the hatches of your digestive systems, because Cap’N Crunch has struck again! In a harrowing tale that will make you think twice about that second bowl, 10-year-old Bartholomew “Barnacle Boy” Billingsworth found himself facing the plank – well, the operating table – after a breakfast brawl with his favorite cereal.
“It all happened so fast,” recounted Bartholomew’s shell-shocked mother, Coral. “One minute he’s pouring himself a bowl, the next he’s screaming like a pirate with a mouthful of treasure.”
Apparently, Bartholomew’s quest for a crunchy conquest turned into a full-blown buccaneer battle with the breakfast bits. The culprit? The notoriously sharp edges of Cap’N Crunch, those little squares of sugary shrapnel disguised as breakfast cereal.
“Those things are like tiny swords dipped in diabetes!” exclaimed Dr. Avery “Ironside” Patch, the renowned oral surgeon who reconstructed Bartholomew’s chompers. “We had to remove several rogue Crunch Berries that had lodged themselves deeper than a doubloon in a shipwreck.”
Bartholomew, sporting a post-surgical battle wound of a bandage, remains tight-lipped about the ordeal. However, sources close to the young buccaneer report a newfound appreciation for smoother cereals (and possibly a fear of anything remotely resembling a pirate hat).
This incident serves as a stark reminder, mateys: breakfast is a time for peaceful consumption, not a swashbuckling duel with your cereal spoon. So, landlubbers, remember: a spoonful of Cap’N Crunch might be enough to make you walk the plank… straight to the oral surgeon’s office.
Cap’N Crunch Claims Another Victim Cap’N Crunch Claims Another Victim This incident serves as a stark reminder, mateys: breakfast is a time for peaceful consumption, not a swashbuckling duel with your cereal spoon. So, landlubbers, remember: a spoonful of Cap’N Crunch might be enough to make you walk the plank… straight to the oral surgeon’s office.
